Terrible Two's and Old Age

The natives are officially 2 years old!! And boy did they hit the “Terrible Two’s”. They had a great time all day but by the end they were crazy! They wanted individual attention and while I’m pulling my hair out they are trying to pull my pants down. Yep, I said it. They will do anything to climb into my arms. They would scale Mt. Everest to get into my arm before their sibling. And yes I carry both of them around in their Ergo Carriers at the same time but then I’ve gained over 50 lbs and my back all of a sudden feels like someone back a bus on top of it. Not to mention when I am doing things with the natives attached to me, I have to do it from the side. Nothing beats having 3 pair of eyes the pot or pan as I wash it, lol.

Back to their birthday Sunday. They had the most fun with the balloons. They could almost care less that they got balance bikes or a water/sand table or little laptop computers or puzzles or playdoh or anything. Those balloons could have saved me tons of money. I could have bought a coach bag! I could have probably got a tummy tuck! I’m telling anyone with little kids now to just buy what you need, Tupperware, pots and pans, silverware and even splurge and get balloons and you have toys for the little ones for at least a year. Little Tikes and Disney have wasted so much of my money. The natives got the smash cake and only one would lick the icing on the cake. Neither native wanted the cake and in case you are wondering it didn’t taste bad. I mean, I burned some of the cupcakes but the smash cakes were not burnt and I did the cakes about 4 hours before the party. Z had a pink cake and G had a blue cake. They weren’t sure about the candles but thankfully when daddy blew them out for each one they laughed and laughed. Amazing that something so simple would cause the laughs we got. I’m still shaking my head at how much money I’ve wasted and you would think I’d know as I do have two teenagers who did the same thing…I think? I’m sure of it! I don’t remember? But I do think they wasted my money back then also, hell they waste my money now and I’m getting to senile obviously to remember this because I have the word “SUCKER” written on my forehead and they use it to their advantage daily! They natives had a great birthday and next year I will spend less, I promise, I hope, I think.

Father’s Day was also the same day as their birthday and well even though I gave their father the best gift of all…hey! He’s a father isn’t he? I did get him an apron and a mouse pad with the natives pictures on them. Why should I be the only one who sees those little cherub faces with the dimple and evil grin?? He deserves to love those natives as much as I do. I’m just saying.

You know. I did get a shower though so all in all I did have a productive day and I got to hand out the natives pictures to commemorate the day they took all my nights away and made sleeping aids a dream I’ll never see again. But I love to make others think I have it so hard. I don’t. these kids drive me crazy but I’m just hoping I live so long that they start fighting over who “has” to come see me to listen to my bitch and moan about how hard they were for me to raise because I’m going to lie and make up stories and they will want to make my old age better because of how they treated me when they were too young to remember. I’ve got a plan! I’m thinking Alzheimer’s and before anyone thinks I’m a bad person my hubby’s grandma has it and even though she drives him up the wall, he loves her and between him and his mother, his grandma will put them on a merry go round every single day and they come back for more. I feel his pain but then I laugh because I secretly think she’s faking it and just wants to call my husband an S.O.B. occasionally. So…that is what I’m aiming for with my kids. I want them to go crazy and I want them to call me nuts and I want them to feel that frustrating love I’ve felt for them since the moment I met them. AND…in the event I do get Alzheimer’s for real, at least I’ll meet them for the first time every single time I see them and hopefully I’ll love them each time even if I don’t like them because they are S.O.B.’s for not coming over in a month when I really saw them yesterday. I’m also thinking that whoever agrees to put me in a nursing home will be excluded from my will so they will have to deal with me FOREVER and EVER!!!!! The oldest two are praying the natives are the ones who get me I’m sure because they are already scared I’ll end up living with them, lol. The natives don’t realize it right now but they are going to pray and hope and have others pray that they don’t end up with me living with them too. Old age will be great and wonderful and easy to amuse myself at the expense of my children. Who could want more than that? Well, I could but I’ll settle for putting them through what they’ve put me through, just on a grander scheme, hehe.

One more day survived. WooHoo!!