Couponing is Fun! Unless you're my husband?

OK, I did a really cool and fun thing yesterday. I went to the store and used coupons! Granted I didn’t buy the week’s worth of groceries but I kicked rabbit turds all the way across the store, lol. I had 36 coupons and saved so much! It was really cool and I wanted to smile but didn’t want to feel like one of those extreme couponer’s on TV. Of course I saved 53% of the bill but it was nowhere near thousands of dollars like those ladies. But all in all…I was pretty damn happy with myself. I got out of the house and I bought ketchup and Gatorade for a few pennies as well as got paid to buy mustard and BBQ sauce.

So tonight I’m sitting there and have my list for another store I want to go to and take hubby with me. I’m thinking, we can both split the coupons and following the rules we can get double the savings, right? Right? Well, that’s what I’m thinking. Before we get out the door, I’m asking hubby how much such and such cost? I don’t know! Why? Because I don’t do the shopping. I don’t leave the house, remember? The only time I get to leave the house it seems is when I’m getting a PAP smear or mammogram. I’m actually thinking of scheduling a few of them a year just for some adult interaction. But…I digress. My husband is a big, I mean BIG Sam’s club shopper (I personally think that’s how he relieves stress, shopping). So…NO MATTER what I’m wanting to get with coupons and end up paying two cents for, my husband thinks Sam’s has the better deal. I know! What? Did we just walk into a parallel universe? I don’t know. I’m ticked. I’ve spent quite a few hours setting up this 3 ring binder, getting the policies for each store, printing and cutting coupons, setting up spreadsheet grocery list (yes, I did) and dividing the coupons with the lists if needed. I don’t understand, can someone explain to me or draw a picture or give me a clue on what is going on in his head. I’m not trying to pay $2 for $1,000 worth of ketchup and mustard but damn! Give me a little support or credit or help or whatever I freakin’ need. I support you and I “expect” you to support me. And for those wondering…snoring on the couch DOES NOT COUNT!  

Now, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not that big but in my little teeny tiny world, right now, it is. See yesterday, I got to spend $67 and today one of the AC units broke in one of the apartments and he got to spend $1600…seems fair, right? Seems equal, right? Seems ridiculous, right? Well, it isn’t. I mean, I was happy I saved half the cost of what I bought and it’s no big deal or at least it’s, “Not bad for just starting.” But if he gets to save say, 1/200^th of the cost of something, it’s a BIG freakin’ deal!!

I ended up not going to the one store tonight because I was pissed and he had already been dosing for 30 minutes and then asked about going at 8:20pm when we live 30 minutes away and I’m still wearing what I slept in last night. So no I didn’t go and maybe I could have just gotten ready earlier or went earlier or whatever but I didn’t. So…tomorrow I get to go through coupons and throw away the ones that expire in less than 2 hours.

While I'm going through the coupons, guess I'll use a few and get some V-8's. I need "something" to chase down the vodka, right?

Side note: The natives have been really clingy the last week. Nobody can kiss boo-boo’s better than me. And just in case you are wondering, no you can’t. I AM THE SHIT! Just ask the natives. G has started to repeat one phrase over and over and over and over and did I say over again? Uh-Oh. That was it! Did you miss it? Uh-Oh. I’ll say it again just in case you’re didn’t hear it again because I have, at least 10 times each hour he was in my hearing. Uh-Oh.

One more day survived. WooHoo!!

Kids Will Be Kids

Been a crazy week to say the least, but in a good nutjob way. A2 had an orthodontist appointment and I took him as well as the natives. What was I thinking? First of all, I used to read other mom’s blogs or status’ and say, nope not me. Now we get to the orthodontist and I gotta pee but we are running late so I get A2 into the office as well as the natives. First they want to go through the diaper bag and take out all the toys and all the food and drinks. Not bad because luckily we are the only ones in there. The receptionists just love the natives as we get all settled. HAH! I love surprising others. A2 gets called back to get his retainer adjusted or re-aligned or something that will make me need to take him back for the hour and 20 minute drive just so we can spend half the day in a vehicle right smack in the middle of naptime. So, he’s back there and the natives decide the office is their romper room and start climbing on chairs, sliding off of chairs and throwing food everywhere. Crackers here, gummie bears there, sippy cup under that and then proceed to go pick everything up because NOW it is all ready to go into their mouths. Hadn’t been dirty enough before, but it’s “just right” now. THEN the screams start as the receptionist are on the phone, lol, I love this because you know they can’t hear the person on the other end, hehe. Yep, they are thinking how much they love them now. By this time I’m thinking, I really need to go to the bathroom so I gather everything up and tell them we’re going to the bathroom. A lady from the office is also heading to the bathroom so we let her go first. Now two stalls with the natives in the stall with me. I take each one and put their backs on the door and tell them, “Don’t move! Stay there.” Now I line the toilet and drop trough, do my business, maybe a minute at the most, get up and their backs all of a sudden become unglued from the stall door as they head over to say “bye” to my pee, lol. All of a sudden I see a cracker (which must be ours) on the other side of the toilet so I reach down just as G reaches down for it, I’m happy, I beat him to it. As I come up, I see his hand on the toilet, uuggghhh!! I hear laughter from the other stall. I’m thinking…can I get my son to smack her with his now germy toilet hand so we can laugh too? We finally get out of the bathroom and just as we are walking back into the orthodontist office, A2 is done with his appointment. Grrr, if I’d have just waited 10-15 more minutes. We now have another appointment in 6 week. Fun times!

A1 came home from college Wednesday night. He’s out for the summer and all HE needs to worry about is what his grades are and pray they are good enough that I don’t give him a lecture about crappy grades. Nope, we have the grades now and no matter what excuse he gives me, that D was most likely deserved. He had a good excuse too. Teacher was going through some stuff and blah, blah, blah. I tuned him out at the point because I’ve used that excuse myself years ago and because my attention span has gotten shorter as I’ve gotten older, I just didn’t care to hear my words coming out of my sons mouth. So now that the weekend is here, he carried his butt as well as his brother’s to his dad’s house. Boy am I glad, I’m already tired of A1 and A2.

A1 had been home for 2 days and I now have boxers on the counter in the bathroom, charger cords on the kitchen counter, clothes all around the washer and dryer, and baseball pants hanging over the dining room chair. I’m thinking one day…his wife is going to thank me for sure! Of course my excuse is, he inherited that from his father…seriously! His father was just the same. I kid you not! I call him by his dad’s name everytime I see him doing something like his father and he KNOWS what it is for at that point. But, yep, his wife will be just as happy as I was when his father did it to me. I haven’t walked into his room yet to see how it’s holding up and I’m thinking I don’t want to. AND let’s not forget he has to take a summer class at ECSU…that starts Monday so I am the lucky one who has to fork out MORE money as I’m getting ready to sign a loan for next year’s tuition at BC.

For the last few days the natives have started dumping out their toy box so they can play in the empty box and push each other around. I’m thinking of taking the toys away and just leaving boxes around as they would be so much easier to pick up then Lego’s and less destructive to my feet as I walk around feeding the vacuum all the cheerios and chex off the floor. All in all, it was nice just having the natives here by ourselves for the day.

One more day survived. WooHoo!!

Spring Cleaning Weekend...Part 1

Wow! Crazy few days, first blogger was down and then when it went back up, I was really busy with my to-do list.

Do you realize how hard it is to work around toddler twins? Very hard! They want to see everything, get into everything. It’s like having monkey’s on your back…literally. They are so curious about what is happening around them and who can blame them, everything usually gets done AFTER they go to sleep. The only thing that seems to go on when they are awake is cooking, vacuuming and of course one of the three cats licking it’s butt. Of course the natives don’t understand that a cat with it’s leg up in the air is not an invitation to grab it and pull. Cat doesn’t understand it either because as soon as the cat leaves and the natives go elsewhere, that brain damaged cat will go to the same exact place and stick it’s leg right back up in the air, lol. I feel like cheering the natives on if the furballs can’t put two and two together or in this case, four and four. But I gotta love the look on the furball’s face as well as the natives when it happens…horror and glee.

Number 2 son had his room cleaned this past weekend and it took me 4 hours! Not him…me. I hurt my middle finger (something about that but I’m not sure what yet), threw a dresser out (he’s not using it anyway, seriously, it was completely empty) and dropped the chaise lounge chair on the bone of my foot. After sitting on the floor holding my foot, crying for at least 4 minutes, looking at the red area that would surely turn purple by morning wondering if I should pick the skin off that was pulled up from that wonderfully useless chair, I’m thinking…um, NOBODY heard me yell, fall and cry or came to see if I was OK?? Oh, sure I wasn’t that loud and I did fall on carpet but I’m a sissy and I KNOW they HAD to have heard me crying.  I mean, it was for a few minutes. So I pick myself up, limp around for a few minutes and walk into the living room thinking someone will wonder what’s up but nope, everyone was in their own little world and I got no sympathy. So I head back in to A2’s room and after moving everything around and piling up all those clothes that were not in the dresser, I have 2 trash bags, 6 loads of clothes and 8 blankets to wash. The biggest thing about having the room clean…I now know what color the carpet is again. It’s light brown in case you’re wondering, lol.

I cleaned the sunroom with the help of #1 and #2 sons. I mean hey, the bowflex and stairmaster are in there and even though I wanted both of them, I don’t use them, they do. And because I don’t use them, I have no muscles so can’t move all the parts that attach to the bowflex, therefore I need their muscles. And the tile is off-white in case you are wondering about this room too. 

Now I’m not a messy person and my house is relatively clean. I’d eat off the floor…well at least AFTER I picked the cat hair out of it anyways but if I don’t stay on top of it, it accumulates pretty fast. So, spring cleaning is terrible for my boys when it happens.

We got a carpet shampoo machine because even though I wouldn’t eat off my carpet, it’s obvious the natives think this is always an option because I’m seeing all types of food mashed into the carpet. Didn’t take long to shampoo but I sure had a messy carpet! I’m sitting here wondering if I should even use plates for the natives at this point. I mean, how much are plates? I could probably spend $5 for a really cheap set or use that $5 towards a shampooer every month for about $25, right? Hey I’m considering it.

Hubby had his honey do list also, lol. And I worked him to death! After 5 years, yes I said 5 years, he finally put the baseboards up and as predicted, they look great! He also painted the living room/dining room and it’s nice to see no dings and dents in the drywall made by big and little hands. Yep, hubby painted the ceiling and sad to say for the big hands, he painted over their hand prints up there.  A1 and A2 will now be able to wipe off their hand prints when they walk around and think they are basketball players and try to do a goose-neck or follow through and I’m thinking there will be a lot of cleaning by them in the future.

Furniture is back in place and even though the walls have no clocks, pictures (and I love baby pictures) or collectable on them yet, they will be up there again soon. I woke up Monday with my heels hurting, my middle finger hurting, my hip, my knees, my butt? And that foot I smashed did not turn purple so it wasn’t hurting that bad and maybe I did exaggerate a bit but I still think I should have gotten some sympathy because I sure didn’t get a high five for doing everything and I DID tell my husband that the walls now looked a lot better and he did a great job! And the natives still held pow-wows with their milk and juice sippy cups as well as their cheerios on that nicely cleaned carpet the following morning.

I’m ending this now but tomorrow I’m looking forward to telling you about my trip to the orthodontist and A1 coming home from college for the summer.

One more day survived. WooHoo!!

Wednesdays are for Wuzzy's

OK, is it so wrong that I send the natives in to wake up their brother? I mean, sure they go in and hit him to wake him up but it’s not like they do any damage, their hits are so light. I just realized he actually has 13 days left of schoolwork. Not happy about that as he keeps goofing off. It’s like a game we play, I tell you what you need to do and you do what you want to do to get by??? Um…I don’t like this game. A2 has me beat pretty much, hence why he’s going to public school for 11^th grade. I have turned from a 40-something into a 60-year-old fishwife because of this child. I know he tunes me out, hell, I’d tune me out but reasoning doesn’t work with him. A2 thinks, yep, if I do what she says I can get it done faster but I’d rather draw or watch anime on the computer because she doesn’t “really” know if I am since school work is on the computer too. Right? Yeah dear, I’m stupid and blind and would stake my life on it that my child does everything he is supposed to do, when and where! NOT BLOODY LIKELY! I mean, I know he won ‘t kill someone (maybe dream of it with me) but not just anyone but that boy will get out of doing work (any) if it means he sits in the bathroom or on the toilet for 3  hours!!! Yep, it is amazing how many and how long it takes a boy to go. I don’t know what he’s doing in there but most times, he doesn’t have a book or PSP with him. Maybe he lays on the floor and counts the seashells on the shower curtain? Maybe he rearranges my cabinet under the sink? Nay, because I’d know about that one and lets face it, IF he did, he would probably just swat his hand across it (like the twins do everything) to mess it up again so I wouldn’t know. See sneaky little turd (or in this case big turd).

As for the natives, well, Z is a copycat. Really. Seriously. I kid you not. If her brother climbs a chair, she’s right behind him, if he gets yogurt, she wants it, if he cries, she cries too, if he poops his pants, she will do it too! She’s the oldest and yeah it’s only by 9 minutes but shouldn’t this be the other way around? Nope, my kids do everything backwards. Which reminds me, I really need to work on her exits. If they are into something they shouldn’t be…like knives, guns, or water, I know G hears me and he runs for the border like a gazelle, while Z sits there and tries to look innocent or give me that squinty eye smile. And while I think it’s a cute look, I don’t think others will when she’s older and hot-wiring cars.

So, I spend at least half the day picking up Tupperware, pots and pans, dirty laundry and Lego’s.  Then about a quarter of the day vacuuming.  Z is comically afraid of the vacuum cleaner and vacuuming two times a day minimum makes me laugh at her. I know it’s mean but after 22 months, you’d think she would be over it. I like to get out the vacuum and watch her stop, look and RUN! She will run to anything but me, lol. Climb on the couch, her 16 year old brother, into the laundry room, anywhere me and that vacuum are not. It’s like she knows in a few years that I will have her doing that as part of the natives chores. Or, maybe she’s a feminist and I just don’t know it now. Either way, my vacuum get’s to “eat” Cheerios, Chex, Cheetos, Doritoes, and crackers quite a bit. There are even times I invite the neighbor’s dog in for a snack too.

The speech therapist came today, I love this day of the week. She is great with the natives and they love her too. G even gives her hugs. So for 2 hours every Wednesday, the twins get to play with new toys and have 2 peoples undivided attention. What could be better? OK, better? Me sitting on my butt in another room reading a good book while the speech therapist is giving my kids her undivided attention. But, I like to see their small achievements each week because pretty soon I’ll be asking the speech therapist how to shut them up, lol. Really. Seriously. I kid you not.

Best part of today…I got a shower and put on a bra. Yep, almost heaven.

One more day survived. Woohoo!!

Tuesday or Twosday

Every Morning, I take my daughters PJ’s off and then she backs up away from me until she hits an inanimate object, then I have to beg her to come back. It’s a morning ritual to her so onward and upward. Her brother on the other hand feels that changing…anything…is cause for running and hiding and I’m already too tired to chase the natives and it’s only 8:30am! So, I sit on the floor and wait for one to get close enough to grab before getting past me.. The only time they run to me seems to be when I’m handing out Gummie Bear vitamins.

My son seems to think morning is a time for him to get everything to eat he can, while he can?? What? Milk, cheerios, chex, and a brownie are not enough for this boy the first 2 hours he’s awake. No wonder he’s 28lbs, while his sister is 22lbs soaking wet.

The natives can’t talk, or at least let me say, they have a total of 19 words between them so almost every freakin’ thing out of their mouths’ is… eeeeeehhhh or aaaaaahhhhhh. Yep, that means sooo much in this house. Sign language worked for a bit but they don’t want to know anything more in sign language then please, dada, more and all done. AND my favorite signed word is, All done too.

As I lay on the couch with one native laying on my side and the other standing next to us at the couch with a book, my daughter decides to climb up with her cute little new dress and I notice…her PJ pants are still on???? Huh??? What??? Oh!! That’s why we could only put her top in the dirty clothes <smacks self in head>.

Now since I home-school my 16 year old for the last year which is 10 more days. I try to get him up from 8:20am on. Let me just say, the reason this is his last year is because…well, I just don’t want to look at him 24/7 and public school will get him out of my hair for at least 9 hours a day. I’m gonna enjoy getting him out the door at 6:30am, bahaha. He’s a good kid, but lazy!!! And I blame that all on his dad, my ex. He does of course get his smarts from me and has good grades, so at least one thing will be less worrisome in August, lol, I hope? Who am I kidding, I’m the biggest worrier around and I get crazy when I worry. Rosanne has nothing on me…well, except I don’t chew gum. But I will probably have to start because I’ll probably be trying to bite my tongue getting out all the positive stuff without him realizing I just want to smack him up side the head like DiNozzo  on NCIS.

One more day survived. WooHoo!!

Twins should be outlawed

Let me start with a little background. I am too old to live on the edge and too young to let go of the edge. You can laugh all you want and tell me how crazy I am (and I know it) but I have an 18 year old, 16 year old and 22 month old twins. I have 1 child in college, 1 in high school and 2 in diapers. I have a husband who is home every other day (if I'm lucky) with a to-do list that takes up a whole wall. I have an attitude (and who doesn't), cusses like a sailor at times, thinks the natives (twins) are set on making me feel older than I really am and I love them all with all my heart (at least most of the time).

This is really, mostly for me, my dry sense of humor, and my sanity. I would say enjoy this, laugh at this, or just don't read it. It's your 5 minutes out of your life but it's the rest of my insane life.