Happy Anniversary to Me!!

Today is my anniversary!!! Yep 6 years of putting up with someone else’s mess, someone else’s snoring, someone else’s clothes! Of course I didn’t say I “didn’t” make a mess or snore or have clothes needing to be washed. I’m just saying….well, I would rather be the snoring partner because then I KNOW I would get a good nights sleep. My hubby works every other day on 24 hour shifts so I do get a good nights sleep every other night when he’s working and for those lucky nights when he gets stuck on overtime? I get 3 nights of good sleeping, lol. So he gets to spend our anniversary with the whiners at the station and I get to spend our anniversary with the whiners at home and I’m not always talking about just the natives here!

I went to see the oldest baseball game last night. It was pretty decent. Nerve wracking. Nail biting. And then the loss. Bad umps and whiny coaches. My son would have had a homerun if it weren’t for that 10 foot fence at the back of centerfield. 350 feet and all he needed was about 6 inches and it would have been a homerun. Sad. All that means for the next time he’s at bat? He is going to be walked and that ticks him off more. Me? I get a little proud moment that they are scared, yes I said it, “scared” of my son getting a home run because that just means I was right!!! YES, I was right when I got him into baseball about 9 years ago instead of like his father wanted and put him in basketball. That’s right, I love, love, love being right when it means he is wrong, wrong, wrong!!! Why am I petty? Because that turd can debate me until I even question whether I am my mother’s child! So, I take the little victories when I can get them. I never claimed to be worshipful and meek! I am opinionated and I NEED to be right some of the time, well, most of the time, ok, ok! All the time!! Happy? See we are thinking on the same level and I like it, lol.

The oldest posted on his facebook: “Can I please just lay in my bed all day”. Yep, he did. So what do I reply? “NO!!! Get up and do something! Anything! Lazy A$$!!” I did and it’s not like he’s just learning those words so don’t call the police yet. I’m actually at the point where now that the newness of him coming home from his first year of college has worn off, I want him to go back! Really, really soon. I’ve been nickle’d and dime’d TO DEATH!! And in his case it’s 20’d and 50’d (if those are even words) to death. I’m broke AGAIN!! I need him to go away so I don’t have to look at him when he starts debating me too because he’s just like his father and I very seldom win with him but it’s soooooo much easier to do it over the phone because I can just hang up. See? I do win, occasionally.

Now that the natives are two, they babble more and throw temper tantrums more!!! Yep, I know it’s a surprise to hear it but temper tantrums times two is sooooo much worse than temper tantrums with one. I have so much respect for a mother of triplets or quads going through the terrible twos and threes. There is not enough Prozac and alcohol or moonshine in the Carolina’s to get me through it times three or more. Hell, there might not be enough with these two!! I need to look into a discount card or a frequent buyer card for the alcohol stores in my area. Margarita’s or Bailey’s and crème are not going to get me through it, more like shots of tequila with a beer back if I can stomach it!

Took the natives shopping the other day because it was double coupon day and my sister went with me, so she got one of the natives and I got the other. Lucky her, I got the native who screamed through the whole store! G was of the opinion that everyone needed to know WHERE we were in the store during the whole visit. I try to ignore him but by half way through the trip he has opened up a box of cereal and is proceeding to open up another item in the cart. I’m imagining him having a four course meal opened by the time I get to the check out! He doesn’t care and we’re leaving a trail of debris down the aisles of torn grocery items. Now Z who is with my sister hasn’t done anything and is just helping my sister take things off the shelves and put in her grocery cart, lol. My sister probably bought a few things she didn’t know she needed either but Z smiled the whole time and was cute as a button during the shopping trip. Next time I’m getting Z in my cart!

One more day survived. WooHoo!!

Terrible Two's and Old Age

The natives are officially 2 years old!! And boy did they hit the “Terrible Two’s”. They had a great time all day but by the end they were crazy! They wanted individual attention and while I’m pulling my hair out they are trying to pull my pants down. Yep, I said it. They will do anything to climb into my arms. They would scale Mt. Everest to get into my arm before their sibling. And yes I carry both of them around in their Ergo Carriers at the same time but then I’ve gained over 50 lbs and my back all of a sudden feels like someone back a bus on top of it. Not to mention when I am doing things with the natives attached to me, I have to do it from the side. Nothing beats having 3 pair of eyes the pot or pan as I wash it, lol.

Back to their birthday Sunday. They had the most fun with the balloons. They could almost care less that they got balance bikes or a water/sand table or little laptop computers or puzzles or playdoh or anything. Those balloons could have saved me tons of money. I could have bought a coach bag! I could have probably got a tummy tuck! I’m telling anyone with little kids now to just buy what you need, Tupperware, pots and pans, silverware and even splurge and get balloons and you have toys for the little ones for at least a year. Little Tikes and Disney have wasted so much of my money. The natives got the smash cake and only one would lick the icing on the cake. Neither native wanted the cake and in case you are wondering it didn’t taste bad. I mean, I burned some of the cupcakes but the smash cakes were not burnt and I did the cakes about 4 hours before the party. Z had a pink cake and G had a blue cake. They weren’t sure about the candles but thankfully when daddy blew them out for each one they laughed and laughed. Amazing that something so simple would cause the laughs we got. I’m still shaking my head at how much money I’ve wasted and you would think I’d know as I do have two teenagers who did the same thing…I think? I’m sure of it! I don’t remember? But I do think they wasted my money back then also, hell they waste my money now and I’m getting to senile obviously to remember this because I have the word “SUCKER” written on my forehead and they use it to their advantage daily! They natives had a great birthday and next year I will spend less, I promise, I hope, I think.

Father’s Day was also the same day as their birthday and well even though I gave their father the best gift of all…hey! He’s a father isn’t he? I did get him an apron and a mouse pad with the natives pictures on them. Why should I be the only one who sees those little cherub faces with the dimple and evil grin?? He deserves to love those natives as much as I do. I’m just saying.

You know. I did get a shower though so all in all I did have a productive day and I got to hand out the natives pictures to commemorate the day they took all my nights away and made sleeping aids a dream I’ll never see again. But I love to make others think I have it so hard. I don’t. these kids drive me crazy but I’m just hoping I live so long that they start fighting over who “has” to come see me to listen to my bitch and moan about how hard they were for me to raise because I’m going to lie and make up stories and they will want to make my old age better because of how they treated me when they were too young to remember. I’ve got a plan! I’m thinking Alzheimer’s and before anyone thinks I’m a bad person my hubby’s grandma has it and even though she drives him up the wall, he loves her and between him and his mother, his grandma will put them on a merry go round every single day and they come back for more. I feel his pain but then I laugh because I secretly think she’s faking it and just wants to call my husband an S.O.B. occasionally. So…that is what I’m aiming for with my kids. I want them to go crazy and I want them to call me nuts and I want them to feel that frustrating love I’ve felt for them since the moment I met them. AND…in the event I do get Alzheimer’s for real, at least I’ll meet them for the first time every single time I see them and hopefully I’ll love them each time even if I don’t like them because they are S.O.B.’s for not coming over in a month when I really saw them yesterday. I’m also thinking that whoever agrees to put me in a nursing home will be excluded from my will so they will have to deal with me FOREVER and EVER!!!!! The oldest two are praying the natives are the ones who get me I’m sure because they are already scared I’ll end up living with them, lol. The natives don’t realize it right now but they are going to pray and hope and have others pray that they don’t end up with me living with them too. Old age will be great and wonderful and easy to amuse myself at the expense of my children. Who could want more than that? Well, I could but I’ll settle for putting them through what they’ve put me through, just on a grander scheme, hehe.

One more day survived. WooHoo!!

Bed Time IS the Best Time

My nerves must be shot! I have no patience, no energy, no motivation. My floor has oreo cookies on it, cat hair on it and puzzle pieces on it. OK, the Oreo cookies were to get the natives to be quiet and I’m sticking to the story of the cats playing roughly with each other on the cat hair everywhere (of course we both know it was most likely a native or two, but I’m not going there) and the puzzle pieces? Well, they have been picked up numerous times and I’m just at the point that unless someone is coming over who does not live here on a regular basis, will they get picked up as I’ve picked them up at least a bazillion times and a bazillion and one is not going to happen in the next two days that I’m contributing in. The clothes will probably eventually be folded but they will have wrinkles…sorry kids, if you want them unwrinkled, fold them yourselves, lol, Ok that was sarcasm there because they don’t usually fold them. A1 will wash and dry his clothes but folding is something beneath him and he will sweet talk me or any other person and go so low as to bribe or bet with others to get them to fold his clothes. A2 hasn’t figured that out so his clothes…are wrinkled, whether I fold them or not. I think he’s in a cult for wrinkled clothes personally.

The natives have been real clingy lately. They always want to be held and as I said earlier, I have no patience for the whining, no energy to entertain and no…alright, whining and screaming is motivation but holding them both for hours after hours is out of the question. I didn’t weigh as much when I was almost 37 weeks pregnant with them as I do now when I’m carrying both of them. They weigh 28 and 23 lbs approximately plus my big feet and that’s at least 250lbs! Not that much but I’m being generous and it feels like it’s 350lbs. Good point of carrying both of them? It’s quiet for a while. I just can’t get anything done that is below my waist or move items…like toys, big cars, picnic tables, things like that. I can of course move a cat, accidentally of course, but hey, he steps in front of me all the time and if I ever am found dead at the bottom of the stairs? It’s the cat…fry him!!! String him up!!! He’s been attempting to commit my murder for years now and his fur is the only thing getting him off at the moment because I’m still alive and able to put food out for him. 

Hubby went to play in a golf tournament today. I got robbed! He can’t play and sure I can’t play either but I don’t slice the ball to the left or right on a regular basis like he does, I look a teeny bit cuter playing with my smaller golf clubs and I sure could use the time off and away from the natives for 6 hours. I’m just saying. He works tomorrow. That “Honey-Do” list did not get shorter over his 3 day break. I'll bet his 5 day break/vacation will shorten that list.

Babies birthday party is this coming Sunday. They will be two years old!!! This birthday is as much for me as it is for them. For them? Well, ok, they did make their appearance but for me because I have survived two years of them. Sure I love them, sure I’d not trade them for the world, sure I’d never want to live without them, sure I’d still like to get away from them and find my sanity. It’s somewhere. Maybe in the car trunk or even at the store behind some granola bars. My point is, I have lived through two years of infants, babies, toddlers and I may not have any patience but I made it and they are ALL still alive!! Cake baking commences tomorrow at nap time, wish me luck. We are doing the Yo Gabba Gabba theme but I initially bought the Cat in the Hat outfits so just a teeny bit off but they are just too stinking cute to NOT wear them, lol.

One more day survived. WooHoo!!

Whew, glad the weekend is over!

Boy am I glad the weekend is over!!! It was crazy, it was wild, it was busy, it was long and it was short. Did that make sense? I need the week to get settled down again.

Found another snake at the house. This time...in the window frame. So glad I can't live outside of a climate controlled environment because that double pane glass was still to close for me. The natives and A2 would have been inches away from it if they wouldn't have thought I'd have a heart attack any moment. Just for the record, it could happen, I'm old enough and I've been putting up with kids for half my life at this point. It really could happen.

My sister and nephew came over Saturday. SMy sister had to do some school work, which she didn’t do. She can thank the natives and myself. Of course I blame her for the suggestion of the pool. I "was" going to just give them baths but no, she said “pool” and it was all over, well…not really. We had to get them into the pool, which involves, the adults changing first and then the native. If the natives get changed first, it does not matter what happens next because peeing on the floor will be involved in it. My sister didn’t know this so while I was changing, she naively changed the natives and then went to change herself. She got the floats while I got the natives hands and we were walking through the sunroom to the deck and Z tinkled on the tile. That’s right, I was not fast enough! So, I stand there and say, “uh-oh” and we all look at the puddle while I’m thinking, “Do I just leave the little puddle and get it on the way back because you know it’s going to be wet on the return trip or do I clean it up now so “I” don’t slip on the way back in and take out the double glass doors and my hip?” I vote for later and we proceed through the door. Hey! Don’t judge me! It was tile and my almost 20 year old cat is gated in the sunroom because she tinkles everywhere too, so Z is not committing a crime here…she’s contributing to my Pine-Sol addition.

My sister has one of the native, I have the other for a while. Now, I don’t know how we ended up all together. I don’t know how the two floats ended up side by side. I don’t know what made my son stick his finger in the blow up part of his sister’s tube. I don’t know HOW he knew he could let the air out of her tube with that but he KNEW! Don’t laugh, yet. My sister in her infinite wisdom takes Z over to the edge of the pool and get out with Z still in the deflating float. My daughter is standing on the deck with her legs through the holes of the float and her arms around the deflating float at her waist while my sister put the air thingy in the piece and pumps air back into her float. Now I wish I would have had a camera because it was a Kodak moment and all I could do was laugh. My sister laughs. The natives don’t know the difference and just look at us like we’ve lost our minds…which we sorta have and they should pay heed to the warning signs to adjust for their old age. Next time my sister wants to take the natives into the pool, I’ll bet she spells it out instead!

My husband bought a smoker. It looks like a mini bar fridge or a wine cooler fridge or something. It’s BIG. He got it at his favorite store, Sam’s. That wholesale place will be the death of me and the debt of him. The smoker is somewhere around $350-400 or so. Hubby, being the kind of guy he is asks the manager how many in stock because we were seriously planning on buying one this coming week. The manager in all his managerial selling skills says, “One, this is it”. OH NO!!! Secretly, if he was a good selling, he would have known my husband has been in that store at least 4 times a week, every week and each time he is there, he goes by those smokers and he was already sold with those 4 little words the manager said. My husband, knowing how much I’m enjoying couponing and getting discounts decides to haggle with the Sam’s Wholesale Club manager. Hubby gets him down $$$ because it’s a floor model. Then hubby notices, it doesn’t have instructions, down another $$. Then hubby notices there are scratches on it, down another $$. Uh-oh, hubby took the Civic into work not the Excursion, manager says, get it out the door and he’ll knock off another $$. You are thinking, wow! He got him down a lot. Nope, hubby wasn’t through. He’s wearing his uniform because he just got off work that morning from the station and he’s talking with the manager and mentions the natives!!! Yep, he pulled the native card, lol. That manager didn’t know what hit him when my husband walked into that door and that manager said, “One, this is it”. My hubby got that smoker for $150!! I’m so proud of him! He said he took that thing straight to the cashier, and got it in the car as fast as he could before that manager had second thoughts. It’s a beautiful smoker with it’s one little scratch and I’ll be downloading the instruction manual once I’m done with this blog post.

Hubby went to work today. 24 hours of no boss man. I’m happy printing out coupons, the natives are eating a snack, while watching Mickey Mouse and Special Agent Oso, spilling apple juice all over the place. I get the call about 5pm (that’s 10 hours since he started work) and he asks what I want for dinner. I’m sure he heard the pause before I answered. I’m sure he was excited so took no notice of the change in my voice. I’m sure he didn’t hear me whisper to my 16 year old to start cleaning up. He heard, “Oh, you’re off work? Where are you at now”? Luckily he was just leaving the station, so I have 1 ½ hours to get the house straight, toys put away, feed the natives, bathe the natives and have them ready for bed 10 minutes after their daddy gets home. So hubby is picking up Chinese food and then home. Well, great, ok, bye bye, gotta go! I practically hung up on him trying to get him off the phone so I can get the house straightened up or at least presentable after the natives have made tornadoes come through the place. I have A2 running for the vacuum upstairs, cleaning the cat box, pouring Pine-Sol in the sink (why, because I love the lemony smell and it makes it smell like I just got done cleaning up the “whole” house, mopping, etc).  I on the other hand am taking dishes out of the dishwasher and almost throwing plates in the cabinet, silverware in the drawer, glasses in the cupboard and the sippy cups will have to wait. The natives are “helping” and I’m so glad they have a fascination with Tupperware bowls, because that’s what they are grabbing to put in their favorite drawer. I get dishes in there, slam it shut, I’m off to vacuum cheese, cheerios, cheetos and whatever else my Dyson can handle. The natives food is cooking, bath water is going in the tub, high chairs are out and ready, natives climbing into their self appointed chairs, it’s all good. I turn my back to wash the 2 pans, dry them and put them away. Z has taken her plate and turned it over…not on her high chair tray but to the right…of her tray. Noodles and yogurt are now mixing with my carpet at an alarming rate. Z is sitting there pointing down as if to say, “Who did that? How did that happen? Where’d my food go?” G sitting on the other side of the mess is just quietly looking down at what just happened. I guess he was the good cop for the night. A2 calls for the dog next door, lol. The natives get their bath while the dog cleans up the mess. Hubby gets home 30 minutes after the natives settle down to doing puzzles until bedtime... with Chinese.

One more day survived. WooHoo!!

Oh yeah! I don't got this!

Not sure where this girl gets her attitude but she better shop somewhere else because it don’t fly in this house! All day long this child has had an attitude. I’m getting scared…really scared…petrified of what this child will be like in 12 more years because I don’t like prison and I can see right now she’s going to make me smack the daylights out of her because of an eye roll, a pfft or something!! And she’s got these guys all eating out of her hands, including her twin! I’m thinking my initial assessment of wanting the twins to be boys was on the money. I love that girl but she’s going to put me in an early grave…or prison and I don’t look good in orange or strips! She has been knocking everything out of my hand, off of her plate, off the table, even off her brother’s plate. She has taken every toy he has touched today and ran like the cops were chasing her. She’s evil, mean, spiteful and her little big brother will scream and just stand there doing nothing. I don’t get it. Now when she’s just eyeballing something he’s doing, he will push her but once the crime has been committed, it’s all over but the police report.

My sister is coming down for the weekend and we’re going to get her coupon binder set up or at least packed full of coupons, lol. She’s got most cut out but separating them is the issue and I’m sure we’ll do some trading because she doesn’t need diapers and I don’t need…well I don’t know what I don’t need but what I don’t need, I’m sure she will need. She’s bringing my only nephew, T. I like when he’s here. I think it’s important for cousins to spend time together and let’s face it, I don’t have any nieces and he’s the only nephew so we gotta make sure he’s included as family has always been important to me no matter how much other relatives think differently. They know who they are and I’m saying it here because they won’t be reading it, bahaha. Yeah, they suck and I don’t hang with sucky people, or maybe they don’t hang with non-sucky people.

G took me outside today once he got home from work and showed me a beautiful St. Patrick’s Day green pool!!!! He as sweetly as possible said, “This is what happens when someone forgets to put the chlorine dispenser back in the pool once they take the babies out.” Yes he did!! He blamed me! While it “may” have been me who took it out, I wasn’t the last one out and even though I “was” the last adult out, I was handling two almost two year olds and getting them in the house before they made a run to jump back in the pool. Oh, like he could have handled taking two toddlers out of a pool, taking off their ring floats, swim vest, swim diapers, put towels around them and get them in the house without slipping on the tile or hardwood floor to the living room where they would get a diaper and clothes back on by himself and THEN remember to put the chlorine dispenser back in!!!!!!  Well, it was a nice color green.

I’m going to do my best to try Zumba tomorrow with the natives running around. Of course, I’m wondering if I’ll be kicking or kneeing one of them or even holding one while swiveling my hips, step 1, step 2. It should be interesting to say the least and although I’m nervous about doing it while they are up, I don’t want to wait until their naptime because I’ll need a shower by then I’m sure and there is always a chance I’ll need a nap too. And since they seem to know when I want time to take something like that 10 minute nap I’ll end up with, I've got to do what I can before the natives do their war dance at their bedroom door when they proclaim nap time over. I’ll keep you posted on whether they decided to help me exercise to Zumba, rolled around and laughed at my uncoordinated dancing, cried because mommy was stepping all over them, knocking them down or if they got their daddy’s DNA when it comes to dancing salsa and made me look like a 2 year old just learning to walk.

One more day survived. WooHoo!!

Grouchy girls suck!

Well, today was a cranky pants day! I’m wondering if Z is teething or getting PMS because that girl is killing me! I found the puffs from a while back (yeah, I need to clean out the cabinets) and figured I’d give the natives one canister each and before I could pick up the puzzle pieces, those damn puffs were all over the living room…chairs, tables, toy box, under the couch. So, I left them there and just made a path to where I wanted to sit for the day. I also made a path to the kitchen and of course the laptop (in case something happened, I didn’t want to miss it! I’m just saying.) Then because Z was still pmsing, I decided maybe she just wants something else to eat. She picked shredded cheese. Okay. Put two bowls out with a little in it and then go put the bag in the fridge, turn around, shredded cheese all over the floor. Seriously. That girl is driving me nuts and she’s not even hit puberty! I’m thinking, I’m going to fake Alzheimer’s and let my husband deal with her…and me, lol.

The oldest is telling me what he needs for clothing again. I sure will be glad when that tree outside starts blossoming some greenbacks. He needs baseball gloves, shoes, cleats, sliders, shirts, pants, shorts. Yep, I obviously let all my children go around half dressed or just naked…even to college.

I finally got all my coupons in the binder!!! Yeah!!! I’m so happy and my fingers are happy and my back is happy and if I leave it out, the natives will be happy. I’m glad I have found a few blogs that do matchups so I can easily find the deals without having to figure it all out myself. Tomorrow, I’m heading to Wally World to get 9 more mustards and 9 more spicy mustards for about 35 cents each and I KNOW I already have 8 bottles but if I ever lose all my money or the kids eat us out of house and home, I can find two pieces of bread, somewhere, and make a mustard sandwich. Don’t judge me, you know you’d love a mustard sandwich if the dukes or miracle whip was gone and there were no tomatoes in your house (I only mention those because the boys won’t touch them with your ten foot pole).

Anyway, I had to go to the store to get some more baseball card sleeves and I saw two turkeys crossing the road. No joke, no nothing. I live so far out in the country, the rabbits, ducks, turkeys, snow geese, Canadian geese, and deer run the risk of being hood ornaments. And in case you’re wondering…I’ve made a snow geese one. It wasn’t pretty and I’m sure people were thinking it was fake with me still driving the SUV but I wasn’t about to stop and pull it out of the grill! I barely like my cats and if they died and I couldn’t find someone to get it out of the house until my husband came home, I’d probably just take the kids and go somewhere until my husband DID get home AND he works 24 hour shifts, lol. I’m just hoping they don’t die at the beginning of the day. My close friends might be wondering why is this woman still here? Is she planning on taking those kids home? My god! Those kids are eating us out of house and home! Throw some mustard on them! Please, someone make her leave and take those kids with her!

See I do go off on tangents! Story of my life…one big tangent.

I got this body wrap from “It Works” and I’m curious if it will work. I’ll measure myself and post results next time. Directions say leave on for 45 minutes and drink lots of water to help get rid of the toxins. I don’t really care about the toxins, I just want this muffin top the natives so graciously gave me to disappear because now that I have couponing, I don’t want to exercise…at all. I just want to fit back into the clothes I used to wear. But more importantly, I want to kick ass in a bathing suit for the 4^th of July party. Yep, I’m petty and self involved and lazy and conceited but that’s just me, lol, I can live with it. But I did get a shower today and wore a bra so I’m not completely bad.

One more day survived. WooHoo!!

PJ kinda day

Today was a laid back day. Why, because the one native who sets the tone for the day decided to get up at 8:30 instead of 6:30-7am! He had everyone oversleeping! Hubby was supposed to be out the door at 5:30 and the rest of us were just sleeping according to his whim. Which was nice. He lulls us into a comfortable place and then BAM! He wakes us up 2 hours early just to keep us in check, because after all, we are here for him. So we ended up staying in pajamas all day. Yep, pajamas were the dress of the day. The older boys and the natives as well as myself didn’t change until we had to, which was bath time for them and around 3 for me and the oldest. Nothing I love better than having less clothes to wash and I have tons everyday because the oldest is usually a diva with 5 changes scheduled for the day. So, the teenagers walk around all day in shorts and no shirt, natives in diapers and me in yoga pants and shirt…no bra.

I should probably wear a bra all the time as my boobs are already hanging down to my belly button and soon I’m sure they will be lower and look like I have…well…balls. And who really wants to see that? I know picturing it is probably putting you in a tailspin as it is. I mean a sports bra would do wonders, of course, I really don’t do any sports so it’s probably a waste of material as well as I don’t have much to put in them.

OK, enough about me, A1 had a baseball game today. A double header. I, of course get there late. Why? Because I always get there late. It’s my middle name of course so I might as well live up to it and he knows I will be late. I like to give him that time to hit the home runs so I can walk up and all the other parents can tell me what a great hit I missed. I live for those moments since I’ve been late to all his games for the last 5 years. I didn’t take the natives because their bedtime was 2 hours into the game and as you’ve just read, I’m always late so hubby got to stay with them tonight. Yep, I got a few hours to myself, well not really myself, more like 70 other people and foul balls to dodge for about 5 hours. 

At the end of the first game, my son’s team wins so I text my husband to tell him the good news. I get the usual duplicate text back, “K”. Then I remember A1 has a job!!!! Yes!!! So I text hubby back and tell him since I know he’s getting the natives ready for a bath and instead of a duplicate text of “K” back, he calls. You’re probably thinking it’s easier to just talk instead of texting, right? Wrong! He called to tell me my daughter, Z, has poop a turd as long as her arm in the potty! Yep, we parents live for these moments. This is the conversation. “Z wouldn’t sit in the bathtub, so I put her on the potty chair and she poops and then jumps up! She shot off that chair! Then she cried for a second until the music played and then she laughed and sat back down. So when you sent the next text, I lost the picture of her poop!” Yep, my children need music to feel accomplished at something, lol, AND he was gonna send a picture of it!!! They are my life obviously as well as my husband’s since he called to tell me Z did number 2 on the potty and it scared her! I'm still shaking my head that he was gonna send me a picture of a turd while I was at a ball game. Hey, I know my life is boring but…I could also say my life is never dull.

As soon as I get home, hubby tells me again about the bathroom with facial expressions and the reenactment to boot. Hey, I’m just glad they got baths in the tub instead of the pool! At least tonight they got soap and shampoo instead of chlorine. Another thing I liked about going out is I didn’t have to vacuum!!! Yep, hubby didn’t mind since there aren’t any snakes in the house (at least I hope not), so the cereal, doritos, and shredded cheese got vacuumed up by someone other than me!!! I call that a win-win. See, the family knows I win at everything so they’ve given in years ago and just follow my lead and the natives will learn it soon enough. I told you they weren’t stupid…slow, but not stupid. Plus the teenagers will eventually marry and their wives job of training them will have already been done. You welcome future daughter in laws. 

Best thing about today? I got 4 newspapers with coupons and I cut them out when I got home from the games. I am going shopping this week…with all the kids so I can make the most of the sales. I have 2 stacks at least 2 inches tall to sort through still. Yep, I’m aiming to have a room that looks like those ladies on Extreme Couponing! Except where they got ALL their stuff for free, my stuff will be worth $10,000 and I’ll have paid $5,000 for it, lol.

One more day survived. WooHoo!!

The beginning of the weekend...I can do this...I can!!

Yesterday instead of working on the gate to the pool, hubby decides to clean out the shed. I mean I understand. He can’t get to his tools to do the gate after all. So, for 2 days he’s been cleaning out the shed. I have found pictures of when my teenagers were babies, their report cards and drawing as well as writing projects from 1^st and 2^nd grade. I even found my yearbooks from high school and my old wedding bands from what’s his face. But I love those rings. We were broke as hell and they were small but beautiful. I know I’m  a softy. OK, sorry for the tangent. Hubby has been cleaning out this shed and it’s big as a garage and I end up out there helping because let’s face it, if I’m out there he’ll get it done faster, right? Well we sorta did…until I saw the first snake! Hubby and A1 both stop and look. Snake’s heading south and hubby misses seeing him slithering out. So, we move on and hubby breaks out one of the shop vacs and I’m thinking, “I’m not vacuuming out here too!” I’m not! He’s touched the vacuum inside probably 5 times in 2 years, he can damn well clean up this mess on his own. His momma taught him how to vacuum, I’m sure??? I think. Well either way, he’s doing it not me! And let me just say, I’m glad he did vacuum!!! Because he found the next two snakes!!! Yep, my husband hates snakes so much, as soon as he saw them, he said, “SNAKE!!! Get out!” and he proceeded to leave the shed…with the vacuum still on and me and A1 standing there say, “Where?” He has already made it into the house to get the pistol and is loading it on the way back out. Funny, that one little snake was in a minnow trap and ended up having two heads! Two bodies! Two tails! So two snakes in one. Pow! Pow! Dead! Those were black snakes, today’s snake was a water moccasin and the babies had just been out there with me about 20 minutes before I heard the shot of the day. G says, “Uh-Oh”! I said, “Yep, daddy got another snake”. It’s been dark for over an hour and he’s still out there getting stuff BACK in because it’s going to  rain tomorrow and those piles he’s making now will be there next year as well as more “stuff”. But I can live with it as long as he gets those damn pool gates up sometime this year.

A1 is at a baseball game and I’m seriously going to the one tomorrow with the natives. Should be fun for all and even though I’ll be there, I’m just hoping I get to see him hit the ball one time because the natives didn’t let me watch anything after the first 5 minutes the last time we went to see A1’s game.  And while I’m on the subject of A1 and his ball games, he had to drive 2 hours to the one today. I gave him money to fill the car up and get something to eat as well as him taking some sports drinks with him. That boy opened his wallet, saw the money (I know he did, I put it in there) and then said, “What do you want me to use to fill up the car”? I kid you not! I mean I know my mind is half way gone but I do remember what I did an hour earlier…at least most of the time, let it be a day or so and you’ve got a shot at getting one over on me.

A2 has STILL not finished his school year! Yep, this tug of war saga is still on-going. So…since he has gotten out of helping clean out the shed and the yard and I am such a wonderful, sweet, kind, giving and loving mother. I gave him the day off from school work and put him to work outside in the shed with hubby! Yep, bet he’s wishing I wasn’t so nice now, huh? He’s out there getting mosquito bites as we speak, I know! Bahaha. But I’m starting to feel guilty and was thinking of letting him have a break tomorrow and do school work instead. See? I AM nice!

The natives were in the pool yesterday before bed. The hardest part about them getting into the pool…is getting them out. They scream and cry and if they could talk, they’d be screaming I was killing them and they would hate me for the rest of their lives. These two give me the best highlight of the day by screaming like they do. So I get the ring floats and safety suits off, strip them down to bare butts, get the towels around them and head into the house and they shut up. Guess they know when the battle is over and they will save it for another day. And I’ll be honest, the biggest reason they got in the pool? Because I didn’t feel like giving them baths. I know. I’m lazy. I’m a bad mom. I can live with it, they were clean when they got on their pajamas. Or at least to any social worker looking on, they were. And I let them stay up until 7:15pm. I know, I know, don’t praise me, I’m not such a stickler for bedtimes. But seriously, within 5 minutes of getting good night kisses, they were dreaming of matchbox cars and baby dolls or tomorrows little mommy troubling moments.

Oh and let me mention, as for coupons, hubby went with me to the store this week and even though I used him as another person for my two transactions and his cart had 10 bottles of laundry soap and softener, I think he’s finally on board. Of course he was dogging me on the way home about how the laundry might actually get done now. After almost 6 years of marriage, he STILL doesn’t know me very well. I love the idea of having clean clothes but I’m a last minute kind of person. I mean if he wants the laundry done right then, he can’t expect me to fold them and get all the wrinkles out! He can deal with having laundry done at the last minute and no wrinkles or he can do it! So…I guess I won that round, huh? So, shut the front door! I don’t want to hear it, lol. I love him but he needs to think about who he’s talking to first.

The oldest will be home in a few hours (sometime in the AM), the second oldest is still outside with hubby, the natives are in bed and I’m getting ready to take a shower and maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll shave the tree trunks off my legs this time…if I’m lucky.

One more day survived. WooHoo!!